In a flash draft

Yesterday in Te Ngahere we got to write any type of story with any writing genre. I decided to write a recount about a accident that happened during the holidays. Our WALT was to write and level a piece of writing. I think I did well on making sure my writing made sense and made sure that there were no spelling mistakes. I think I could work on adding a bit more interesting words that could replace basic words. This is my draft piece of writing:

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A NARRATIVE AND IT ACTUALLY
HAPPENED!!

This has never ever happened before. I mean everyone puts on
their brakes before exiting the car.
Otherwise your car is going to roll backwards.
But sometimes you make the mistake to either think you put it
on or you forget to do it. These times only happen once
in a while but you can either be lucky
(no cars hit you or your car doesn’t hit anything)
or you can be unlucky
(where you do get hit by a car or you do hit something).
That would be EXTREMELY bad.
In this case we (my brother and I) were lucky.

It all started on the last week of the school holidays
on a Wednesday when we had just finished collecting something
for lunch. My mum had just “parked” the car to run something
inside and she said to wait in the car with my baby brother
(Ace). I was studying a book when my brother started crying.
I was about to tend to him when I realised
the car was moving backwards onto the road!!

I screamed as loud as I could hoping my mum would hear
but she didn’t come running. The car landed onto the road
with a thump.
I was freaking out because I though a car would come down
or up the road and crash into us or we would smash
the fence on the other side of the road!
Either way, me and my brother (or the car)
would of been toast. Luckily none of that happened.
A boy riding his bike look at the car like it was the most
bizarre thing he’d ever seen
(I’m sure no one sees a car reversing without a driver).
My expression: HELP!!!!! SOS!!!!!!

When my mum came out of the house she went to look
in the driveway but to her surprise, there was no car!
She looked across the road with both terror and laughter
in her face.
I was giving her my um-help-us-before-people-start-gawking-at-us look.
She came running and I said “OMG! Where were you?
That was so scary! I thought me and Ace were going to be
toast!!” She laughed and a wave a relief washed over me.
Neither my brother or I were toast.

Moral of this recount: Always check that your brakes are on!!!